Thursday, October 20, 2011


Day 20

Afraid

I find it interesting that this series that I am doing is taking place in the month of October.

Because the reality is, the very heart of this issue, what holds me back above all else……..

Fear.

It’s no surprise that the issue of fear is dealt with in the Bible several times. I’ve heard that it says in the Bible “do not fear” 365 times. Isn’t that amazing? Once for every day of the year, we are told not to fear.

365 times, and it’s not enough.

Although we all have this issue of fear in common, we may not all fear for the same reasons.

And here is where it gets a little comical.

What I fear is not so much the “bad things” that can happen, but the good things.

Isn’t that silly?

It’s true. I don’t fear the bad things as much as the good things.  I’ve been taught to expect that bad things. I understand that those things are meant to strengthen us and our relationship with God. I understand fully that God’s will for our lives isn’t always what we think and that sometimes bad things happen.  I know that He answers prayer according to what is best, not necessarily what we want.

But good things? Yes I fear them. Good things change us in ways that can sometimes be more difficult than bad things.  Good things mess with us. I know this sounds confusing, but just hear me out for a minute.

A few years ago I lost 30 pounds using Weight Watchers.  I was about 5 pounds from my goal weight and I quit. Just stopped. And I remembered distinctly being afraid. I asked myself “who am I at 30 pounds lighter? How will I be able to live forever at this new weight?” Deep down I knew that this change was good, but I was afraid of what it would mean for me.  The truth is, I was more comfortable 30 pounds heavier. I knew who I was then. I had my excuses and I stuck with them. 30 pounds lighter, and I have no more excuses.

That kind of change is HUGE, even transformation like.  Once that kind of change takes place, it must stay, there’s no going back. I didn’t think I could ever mess up again, that I’d have to be perfect forever.

Without the gratitude list, I can stay comfortably in my little unhappy world. I can complain about what I don’t like is going on in my life. I can wallow in my misery and feel like God has abandoned me all I want. If I begin to look at all I have instead of what I don’t, it’s not possible to continue to feel that way.  



 If I’m completely honest, I’d much rather remain the way I am.

Which is just plain ole frightening.



Josey

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