Monday, October 17, 2011

Day 17

To do, or not to do

Someone said to me once, “I knew I needed to do it, but I didn’t want to, and that’s how I knew it was from God and that I had to do it”

This statement has stayed with me ever since I heard it and I often use it as guide when I am unsure about what I need to do.

This theme of thankfulness has been so prevalent lately that I couldn’t ignore its pull on my heart. I was able to discern that it was from God because of course the Bible has plenty to say on thankfulness.  But what really sealed it, what spoke to me the most and confirmed that it was something God wanted me to pursue?

I didn’t want to do it.

Oh, how I have fought this from the very beginning.  I have ignored and shrugged it away many times only to have it come back at me like the rushing in and out of the ocean.  Even knocking me over and sending me tumbling sometimes.  The more I continue to resist, the more persistent it becomes.

Not only did I not want to do it, but to write about it to? I really didn’t want to do that. It’s one thing to quietly pursue something without anyone knowing. Just a little something I can work on between me and God.  However when I felt the pull to do this series, I came up with every excuse in the book why I couldn’t.  This goes beyond the normal thoughts and opinions I post here.   It is way out of the comfortable realm of what I will talk about or admit. Unfortunately, obedience has a way of putting us out there when and where we don’t want.

It’s not the first time.

I ventured out into the ocean deeper than I have ever gone, just to be baptized.

I revealed details of my past to a room full of women who never knew.

I began writing and telling people I wanted to write.

I not only wrote about trying to end my life as a teenager, but I allowed it to be published on a blog that receives thousands of hits.

I wrote a book proposal and pitched it to three editors, one of which I didn’t even have an appointment with, all the while thinking I am unqualified.

I sent out query letters to agents in an attempt to secure representation even though I don’t think it will amount to anything.

I have been writing consistently on my blog for 16 days.

I’ve done all of these things and more because God asked me.

Can I do it again?

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