Connecting the DotsDon’t get me wrong on this, I am truly thankful to God for ALL.
I am thankful for all God has given me. I am thankful for His role in my life. I am well aware that I am blessed to have been chosen by God to live this life as His child. I know that without God, who knows what my life would be like.
But inside, in my heart, I can feel the barrier. A wall. A dam. A blockade of sorts.
It keeps a certain amount of back. Not from God, never from Him. It isn’t possible to hide anything from Him. No, this barrier keeps others at bay. And as long as they are held back, kept separate, I am unable to truly feel what it is I’m longing to feel.
That is the connection.
I know it. I’ve known it for a long time. I can remember talking with my girlfriend before I was engaged to my husband and specifically telling her that I was holding back. She told me not to. But I didn’t really listen. A young heart doesn’t always know what is best for it. Many mistakes were made early on in my marriage because I have held back. Once the children came along, the mistakes continued.
Years later, I am still doing it.
And that is why the gratitude journal remains empty.
From My journal: February 20th—Colossians 3:15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful