Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Overwhelmed

My husband left Sunday night.

Ok so that is a little dramatic, but allow me a little bit of self indulgence huh?
He started his new job on Monday so he left for Lynchburg Sunday afternoon.  In case you haven't been reading this blog for very long, let me just tell you that I DO NOT enjoy when my husband is not here.  And it's not for the reasons that most women would use.  Yes it is difficult being the sole parent in the home, and yes it is difficult handling everything that is going on without any help and yes there is a little fear of being home alone without a man in the house.
It's more than that for me.
I desparately miss my husband. 
It wasn't always like this.  This is really new territory for me.
But I won't dwell on it right now.  There's so much more going on and I've been trying to get to the computer to post for a couple of days now.
Our amazing God is doing a huge work in our lives and sometimes I need to remind myself of what is happening.  Also, this is the purpose of this blog.  To talk about the amazing things God is doing in my plain old ordinary life.
So just to review:
After only visiting Virginia once, my husband decided he wanted to live there.
We began homeschooling after being unable to afford to send out children to the Christian school they had been attending.
We decided I should stay home and concentrate on homeschooling instead of trying to work and homeschool.

He was offered a job in Virginia.
We went down for two days and found a place to live that was ready to move in immediately.
His employer wanted him to start right away.
We had our first prospective buyers come by last night.
Our pastor gave a sermon sunday on follow God's path for your life. (hmm felt like he was speaking to us)
My mind has been drifting back to the story I started a few months ago.
My husband's employer is giving us money to help with our relocation.  (I still can't believe this one)
My daughter's heart has softened concerning moving.

There's so much more but just typing this small list is overwhelming for me.  Each time something happens and I see God's hand, I feel like the guy at the end of the movie Facing the Giants.  When he comes home after winning and his wife tells hime she is pregnant.  He falls to his knees and says "I'm overwhelmed".  He is completely blown away by what God has done for him. 

Everyday I'm overwhelmed.  And yet, I hide it.  I keep it to myself.
I only have three sundays left at my church before we will leave. 
I barely made it through the service this sunday.  I really try to keep my emotions in check most of the time.  I don't like to be vulnerable.  It makes me unconfortable. Hence the many years of not allowing myself to open up to my husband.
I think this is going to do me in.
I also have a hard time accepting blessings when they come.  That's bad, I know.  When you've had a life like mine, you don't always accept blessings so easily.  It's hard to accept that I might be getting something out of this whole experience. 
I know my husband is being blessed with this job opportunity. 
I'm positive my children are about to experience something wonderful in this.

But me?
In the quietest corner of my mind, I dare to hope and dream.

And it overwhelms me.

Josey

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