Thursday, July 16, 2009

Time to Fight

I've been thinking lately about my eating habits. I've struggled for probably the last ten years with my weight. At one time I was able to lose 30 pounds, however it did not last.

One of the other groups I facilitate is what our church calls "Breaking the Cycle". It is a group for addictive behaviors. We used to have a separate group for people who had issues with food, but now it is all one group. Which makes sense because it is really all one thing. Sin.

For about the last year or so I have gradually made changes in my diet which have helped. I've probably last about anywhere from 7 to 10 pounds. It fluctuates. But I've made some good changes that are helping and I think that is important.

It isn't enough. I think I need to take it a step further and begin to really make a sacrificial change. I may need to really give somethings up. Or, I may even have to start exercising. Oh, good grief! It gives me heart palpitations just thinking about it!

One of the things we talk about in the group is the fact that we want it, but we don't want it. I really think that is true for me. There have been times when I have been sitting watching the Biggest Loser and thinking about how much I really want to be successful like them, but at the same time I'm eating a bowl of ice cream, and not the low fat kind.

I've tried to figure out why I do such destructive things. Am I compensating for something? Am I trying to comfort myself? Am I addicted to certain foods?

I really don't know if it is any of these things or not, I've never really been able to pin point it. The one thing I've learned though, is it really doesn't matter because it is sinful no matter what the reason. No matter what reason I'm using to justify why I eat things that are bad for me, the reality is I'm choosing that particular thing over God. The only way to overcome it is to want something better, that is to choose something better. The something better is and should be God.

And yet, as crazy as it sounds, I find it hard to make the right choice.
Can cake really be better than God?
If I'm going to be completely honest, it might depend on the cake.
Sin is tricky that way.
It tests your loyalties.

I'm admitting I have a problem, that's half the battle right? Only half the battle, of course the easiest part. The rest of the battle is for me to do. It is going to be hard work and my loyalties will be tested daily. That's why its a battle. And it is truly a battle.

Well, I better suit up and get ready to fight.


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