Over the weekend my pastor preached on "humility". This morning I read something by Nancy DeMoss about "modesty". Whoa, two really big topics both as a believer and as a woman. Interesting enough, I struggled with both of these issues just this weekend.
On Saturday our women's ministry had our "Tea for All Seasons". Which was a big grown up tea party. We had a wonderful speaker Jennifer Sands. She is a 9/11 widow who became a believer after that day. We've done these teas before, always at Christmas. All of us ladies volunteer to decorate and set the tables. Which is so much fun! This year since it was in the spring we used the theme of seasons. My season was winter (my favorite) There were many really wonderfully decorated tables covering all the seasons.
Ok, ok, I need to get to the point.
Afterward, as we were saying goodbye to our table guests, one of the women at my table, a lovely young woman who just recently began attending our church, was thanking me for taking the time to decorate a table. Well, then she says "I admire you.
WHAT!! She admires me!?
She said it was because whenever she sees me, I'm always serving in some way.
Now, let me just say, that old saying "be careful what you wish for", immediately came to mind. As much as I've always wanted to inspire someone and be a blessing to someone, it is a whole different situation when someone actually says it to you. I mean, talk about pressure now.
And the truth is, I completely enjoy everything I have done at church and everything I've been asked to do. I really don't ever think of it as my "service". I'm just involved in church and I really like it. It is purely selfish. Uh oh, does that mean I'm selfish? I'm really not sure. I do it because it is what we are supposed to do, and I enjoy doing things at church. But now I'm struggling with whether or not I'm doing it for selfish reasons. I had to be careful of how I answered her. (this is where the humility comes in) I know there is a fine line between being humble and being prideful. The whole conversation is really a blur so I'm not entirely sure but I think my response was something like
"Oh, it really was not trouble and I enjoyed doing the table."
"I'm always striving to be like some of the other people I see at church, I've never thought of myself as someone to be admired."
"Thank you so much for saying that".
Was that a right response? Hmm, not sure, but I know if I'm dwelling on it, then I wading into another sinful pond that I shouldn't be in either.
Ok, now the modesty thing. I have to admit I have huge issues when it comes to getting dressed to go out of my house. Most of the time it is because I have a very limited wardrobe and I'm always trying to mix it up so it looks new, which I shouldn't really be worried about anyway, but I am.
Then, I try to find a middle ground with trying to look nice for my husband and not looking to "nice". I want to catch his eye, but not any other man's eye.
I also want to look as well put together as some of the other women in my church, but at the sametime I shouldn't want to bring attention to myself, that's what modesty says. But you should see what I'm up against. We have some women, that I love dearly who just look so good.
I just can't compete. But modesty says I shouldn't want to.
And to top it all off,(no pun intended hehe) I have been "blessed" in some areas of my body which make it difficult when trying to be modest in my dress.
Uugh! It's seems endless!
Needless to say, it was a very soulsearching weekend.