I'm reading a new book. My friend who is also our pastor's wife gave it to me. It was written by Nancy DeMoss along with Susan Hunt, Mary Kassian, Carolyn Mahaney, Barbara Hughes, P. Bunny Wilson, and Dorothy Patterson. It is called "Becoming God's True Woman" So far it is really excellent. There is also a website, truewoman.com. They have a "30 day true woman challenge" bible study based on Proverbs 31, that you can go through. I'm doing the bible study also. I was just reading chapter 4 titled Portrait of a Woman used by God. It is about Mary and how she was chosen to be used by God. I haven't even finished it yet, but I just had to write some thoughts about it.
Over all, I'm having alot of thoughts really. Today our pastor preached on how we are chosen by God and given to Jesus. It sort of goes along with what this chapter int his book is about, which I started reading tonight. Interesting that it was on the same day as the sermon. I've also still been praying about how God wants to use me and whatever talents I have. Especially with my desire to write and speak. So far I have been asked to lead a small woman's discipleship group, and I have just finished facilitator training for our accountability/addiction groups. I've been asked to become involved in possible drama productions and skit writing for our children's ministry department. I think this sermon and this chapter (and really the whole book), along with recently reading "What happens when women say yes to God", is giving me some confirmation that these are areas where God is using me. Whenever I'm asked to do something and I feel like I want to, I often wonder if it's really what God wants for me, or is it just my desire. So it is good when I get that nudge with scripture and sermons that it really is coming from God.
I was on a blog recently Susanne Scheppman (sorry if I spelled it wrong). She is one of the speakers for Proverbs 31. She started this thing on her blog called the Writers Porch. Every Friday she is going to explore a different area of writing in an attempt to help people who want to write. I checked it out this week and she posed a question, that I have been pondering all weekend. She asked "Do you feel like you have to write? or do you just want to see your name in print? Wow, that is huge. So I'm pondering and praying and wondering what my answer to this question is. I have to say, that there are times when I do feel like I have to write. There are days I carry my journal with me all day wanting to jot down little things throughout the day. But then there is a part of me that would love to put it all out there for everyone to read (with the side benefit of seeing my name on a book). Recently when I heard a guest speaker at our church, I remember sitting and listening to him thinking to myself "I want to do that". And immediately I felt convicted thinking "I'm so full of myself I want to be in the spotlight" But later when I was praying about it I came back to the why of it and realized it wasn't about being in the spotlight the way he was, it was actually doing what he was doing, telling people about God and how amazing he is and the wonderful things he was doing in his life. He was encouraging people through his experiences and he was discipling people by telling about the things he had learned. Whew!, I guess I'm not as prideful as I initially thought.
That is what I want to do. Whether it is through writing and speaking on a large scope, or leading a small group right here at my church, it's what I want to do. My name on a book isn't what is important. I can reach people by writing a skit for our women's retreat, or selling a million copies. Either way it doesn't matter. What matters to me is getting the word out about the things God has done for me and what he can do for someone else.
Sorry I'm rambling on. It doesn't take much sometimes to get me going. Some of it probably doesn't make a lot of sense. Once I start the words just keep coming. One thought just leads me to another and another etc. Who ever is reading, you are actually reading me working this all out as I go along. Most of the time it is just in my head, writing is therapeutic like that me. It really helps me see everything clearly and even brings new things to light I hadn't thought of. When I sit down to start a post, I usually only have one small thought I want to tell you about. After I begin, it literally snowballs. I think that is why I have hesitated so long to actually write. I have this fear that once I open the gate, there will be no stopping it. But I know that if it is God's will for me, that gate is going to open whether I want it to or not.
So do I feel like I have to write? Yes, and I will continue to do so in my journal and on this blog.
Is God using me? Absolutely
Will I ever write a book, or speak to a crowd of thousands? probably not, but I honestly can't say that for sure. I don't really know what God's complete plans for me are. But for now I'm content to do what he has chosen for me today.
Can you believe all of this came from a book, a sermon and a skit?